


Umbridge Knows Best

by MiraMira



Series: Order of the Phoenix: the Musical(s) [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Tangled (2010)
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Disney, Filk, Gen, Humor, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-17
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2017-11-10 03:34:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/461767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiraMira/pseuds/MiraMira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Umbridge attempts to gain her DADA class's trust...in song!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Umbridge Knows Best

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a Hogwarts_Elite contest. I find it frightening - though perhaps not all that surprising - how well Umbridge and Mother Gothel work together.

**Umbridge:** _(spoken)_ You want  practical Defense lessons? Why, Miss Granger?

 _(singing)_ I’m afraid that there’s no merit in complaining.  
My curriculum is sound, so please, relax.  
This is a school, not first-year Auror training.

 **Hermione:** _(spoken)_ I know, but—

 **Umbridge:** _(singing)_ Then why fret about attacks, dear?

I’m not fully surprised by this rebellion.  
Your instruction to this point has been a mess.  
Well, that ends now,  
So trust my vow:  
Umbridge knows best.

Umbridge knows best.  
Listen to me, children:  
You all have nothing to fear.

Umbridge knows best.  
Please pull out your quill pens.  
I’ve one I can loan right here.

There’s no need to talk  
Or for demonstrations.  
Let’s drop this gossip you’ve heard.

 **Harry:** _(spoken)_ No.

 **Umbridge:** _(spoken)_ Yes.

 **Dean:** _(spoken)_ But—

 **Umbridge:** _(singing)_ You’d rather try to block  
Vile emanations?  
Stop, no more! It’s too absurd, dears!

Now, turn to page five, and—  
Why the hesitation?  
Students, here’s what I suggest:  
No more wheedling; get to reading.  
Umbridge knows best!

I see some of you still will not acknowledge  
My directions. Children, please, don’t make me laugh.  
I’ve only…twice your age and worldly knowledge  
In addition to my post on Fudge’s staff.

Go ahead and tell me I’m misguided.  
See how far that gets you on your test.  
When you fail, you watch: you’ll wail,  
“Umbridge knows best.”

Umbridge knows best.  
Take it from your betters:  
Your Headmaster’s lost his mind.

Nobody’s impressed  
By his rambling letters  
On threats that aren’t there to find.

Only the naïve  
Or nasty troublemakers  
Who’d leave chaos in their wake

Claim that they believe,  
But really, they’re all fakers.  
Darlings, don’t make their mistake!

Umbridge knows the score.  
I am here to help you.  
All I have is one request:

 _(spoken)_ Students?

 **Class:** _(spoken)_ Yes, Professor?

 **Umbridge:** _(spoken)_ Never mention Dumbledore’s lies in this classroom again.

 **Class, minus Harry:** _(spoken)_ Yes, Professor.

 **Umbridge:** _(spoken)_ Splendid. I’m so glad we understand one another.

 _(singing)_ Don’t forget it.  
You’ll regret it!  
Umbridge knows best!


End file.
